Peanut is a mini-pooch – in fact she’s microscopic
A fluffy little bundle and an energising topic
You have to toss a titbit so you know which end is which
As she swings her hips towards you, you can tell she’s quite a bitch!
You can’t escape her welcome when you visit her at home
She makes a pandemonium though she’s just a little gnome
Her orchestrated tactic is contrived to make you frightened
So, bend and stroke her gently just to show that you’re enlightened
You’re not intimidated by this tiny piece of fluff
But her bark could make you yearn for ears of really stronger stuff
A piercing high-pitched opera she performs without compunction
Revealing healthy lungs that are well-trained for such a function
When you get inside the house just try to step straight on the floor
And not on top of Peanut, and don’t jam her in the door
For Peanut’s very lively and just when you least expect it
She makes a change of course and it is too late to deflect it
You’ve got inside; you’ve shut the door and Peanut’s still intact
You start to climb the stairs, but then you catch her in the act
She squats down on the carpet, stares you squarely in the eye
And all the time she’s peeing to deliberately defy
You duly reprimand this charismatic little doggy
But your efforts are quite futile since the carpet is quite soggy
You pick her up and caution her and walk towards the door
To let her finish off outside before she does some more
You have to put her lead on and make sure it‘s well adjusted
But the little sweetheart’s frisky and the collar’s almost busted
She turns around a hundred times and makes it very tricky
You finally get it on and find your hands are kind of sticky
She’s won the day and you’re aware you have a sodden hand
You could walk her till she drops but she won’t pinkle on command
Hardly out the door and she takes off like greased lightning
With you just hanging on behind – the pace is rather frightening
Her tongue hangs out, the ears fly back, she’s charging like a hound
Just to the nearest lamppost where she sharply buckles down
You grind to a swift halt and nearly fracture your big toe
While Madame starts to sniff as if she’s found some diamonds grow
Excitement mounts the tail goes round and spins off like a top
She’s so worked up just sniffing there, you think she’s going to pop
As if she’d found a sausage and not eaten for three weeks
Whereby it’s other doggies who’ve been having daily leaks
It’s hard for us to picture what’s so rousing for a bitch
To sniff around the toilet of her lover’s favourite pitch
You try to yank her off and get her further down the street
But Peanut’s most reluctant ‘cos she’s on her doggy beat
She spies a massive bulldog roaming further down the block
And takes off like a rocket, running utterly amok
She’s not exactly bashful as she storms him in her zone
And doesn’t comprehend that she is only semi-grown
She yaps and whines and challenges this hunk of canine muscle
But Bonzo’s not amused, he simply doesn’t need the hustle
He’s had enough and gives this chick the typical cold shoulder
So she takes off with all haste behind a well-located boulder
You follow her around and find her squatting on the ground
And judging by the looks of it she’s made a little mound
With business now concluded, you can go back to the house
But not before she’s once again expressed a deafening grouse
Once more unto the lamppost, she charges with all haste
She visibly appreciates the thrill of being chased
You can’t believe your luck in having such an agile friend
And steer her firmly homeward to prevent a sticky end
Safely in the building with the door completely closed
She bounds right up the stairs and waits as if she were transposed
She suddenly feels hungry and would like to have her dinner
You’re happy to oblige, as it appears she’s getting thinner
You open up her menu and you tip it on her plate
But Madame is most choosy and begins a loud debate
You summon her to eat but she is not inclined to come
And settles on the sofa like a diva looking glum
You call until you’re hoarse but she is bent on being distant
And anything you do is sure to make her more resistant
You walk away and treat it just as though it didn’t matter
And retreat into the kitchen to create a lot of clatter
She’s quite prepared for battle and can wait a while for you
By which time her fresh dinner will have died a death or two
Quite suddenly she livens up and nose-dives to the floor
To dash towards the balcony and scratch at the glass door
Willing to accommodate her innocent desire
You let her out to watch the world and see what may transpire
You go and fix a drink and when you next look around
A pile of flowering plants lie beheaded on the ground
With horror, you determine that Peanut has been gardening
You can’t avoid the feeling your soft heart is slowly hardening
You pull her in and shut the door, preventing more destruction
And realise she’s choking up because of some obstruction
Your little charge is throwing up in various little places
As effects of vegi food convert the floor to profiled spaces
As soon as you clear one big mess she runs to start the next
The output is quite awesome in your frantic cleaning quest
The carpet is transfigured to a novel new design
Your vocation as dog-sitter doesn’t make you feel benign
This seems to be the act of some deliberate insurgent
As the carpet will now challenge the most excellent detergent
At some specific moment, you may ask yourself in vain
What this six-pound little bundle is attempting to attain
You sit down to recover from your momentary frustration
Then realise someone’s licking your big toe in adoration
Two little eyes gaze up at you – head tilted to the right
Trying to inform you that her bark’s worse than her bite
To reinforce her case, she starts to wag her fluffy tail
And jumps up on your lap to show her feelings in full sail
You take her in your arms and indeed you realise
A world of love expressed in those tender little eyes
You’ve bonded with our Peanut in a magical display
And despite her little frolics she’s the sunshine of your day!
Photo: Unsplash / Dushyant Kumar
Copyright: Rosemary McGuire