Flush the Frog

Once upon a time there was a feisty frog called Flush

Who still remembered days when he was just a spawny mush

His life was quite serene before his big metamorphose

But then it all disrupted with the sounds of a bulldozer

His marshy habitat became the site of mass destruction

As nature once more yielded to demands of huge construction

‘Twas just as well his baby days were pretty well completed

And he tackled adolescence with no signs of being depleted

He’d lost his gills and tail and all the puppy fat as well

And was bent on facing life and hanging loose for a short spell

He’d learnt from male ancestors that the golden rule in life

Was to culture all the trappings to attract a loving wife

Essentially he’d prove he was much greater than his brothers

And was totally devoted to outshining all the others

From reflections in the water he could study his visage

And make sure that it was perfect and not just a vague mirage

An enticing kind of virtue was a voice of grand command

He’d heard amongst the ladies it was still in great demand

He practised with his larynx to create the kind of voice

That would render dames quite helpless giving them no other choice

He learnt the art of breathing, to inflate his vocal sac

To fill an auditorium, and be heard right to the back

He trained his vocal pulses to create a sexy quiver

That could relegate the toughest to a croaking little shiver

He didn’t need arpeggios or words beyond compare

Just two specific frequencies when he was on the air

He learnt the finer art of asking ladies to go dating

And learnt what not to do if she was frightened of him mating

A special tone of voice protected him from competition

His hands were full with her, without a hoard of opposition

Yet another pitch could tell his chums he was in trouble

Which was easier than calling for their help by blowing bubbles

Another sound could tell his mates they ought to hit the trail

If their passion had confused Flush with a bit female tail

But Flush was very far from gay, as any female knew

And when they got the hots for him they had to join the queue

Frogs can only recognise the calls of their own class

Which thankfully eliminates cross-mating in the grass

Alas for the young females when the temperatures turn chilly

They answer the wrong mating call and then they look quite silly

So when he’s finished mating and he seeks his next new flame

She needs another year until she gets the urge again

The ladies are restrained when they are summoning a mate

For fear of luring multitudes and getting in a state

The men are so expectant that they tackle her like crazy

And often kill her outright or just leave her feeling hazy

But not our Flush –he was indeed the Don Juan of our day

He subdued his carnal cravings in a classy kind of way

The outcome of this tactic was anything but painless

‘Cos Flash enjoyed a status of a man who was quite stainless

And so the ladies stood in line desiring his affection

But he was quite indifferent and he tried to use deflection

The less he was attracted – all the more they flocked around

Until they turned the tables and had pinned him to the ground

“Oh fate, oh bitter pill, oh buxom ladies – out the way!

And give me back my dignity and send me on my way”

Poor Flush was disconcerted and mustered up his strength

To hold these goodly ladies at respectable arm’s length

The very attributes that he had been so keen to gain

Had been his certain downfall and produced this hostile pain

With one big leap he overwhelmed his doting female fans

And found himself a fugitive in unknown foreign lands

He scrutinised from far afield a pleasant little dwelling

And hopped in that direction even though his leg was swelling

He moved towards the house and found a backdoor just ajar

He needed a strong fortress like the walls of Alcazar

He hopped around the confines to confirm the coast was clear

Then settled for the bathroom to assuage his daunting fear

You see it had no windows and it didn’t seem to him

That any frogs could penetrate to goad their scared victim

In the meantime he was hungry and dried out beyond belief

So he hopped right down the toilet to acquire some quick relief

His cosy little chamber helped to settle his poor nerves

Whilst he vainly cogitated if he’d got his just deserves

During his reflections he discovered in addition

A veritable echo in his latest acquisition

Despite his grave misgivings and a debilitating fear

He resonated loudly to enjoy the atmosphere

Quite unbeknown to him there was a resident at home

Who investigated promptly where the noise was coming from

It didn’t take her long to find his ludicrous location

And tried to flush him back down to his journey’s instigation

Our lady’s name was Kathy and our froggy’s name was Fred

She instantly re-named him “Flush” in case he ends up dead

Poor Flush had the sensation of Niagara’s great Falls

But fought his way back bravely up the hurdles and pitfalls

Imagine Kathy’s horror and her very great surprise

To see her little friend again before her very eyes

She laughed at the analogy reminding her of man

Our Flush was the proverbial “Big Flush in the Pan”!

She went and fetched a plant pot and retrieved him from the pan

And gave him back to nature as a full-blown froggy man

The moral of this story is an interesting plot

You make a noose for your own neck when trying to be what you are not

Just stay the way you are and you will find you are endowed

With all the basic features that will make your parents proud

Just be yourself and learn to take your life as you were meant

And everything you need is there – as if it’s heaven-sent

Photo: Pixabay