What a Way to Go!
Two weeks ago, we went to a memorial service for my son’s teacher, Rolf. My son is now 50, so it’s well over thirty years since they shared a classroom, but they always stayed in touch. In fact we arranged to meet Rolf early in December at a Christmas market, to enjoy a cheese fondue in a special little chalet. Unusually, Rolf didn’t turn up, he didn’t answer his telephone and neither di he call back or send a WhatsApp. The following day, he didn’t turn up to the birthday party of another ex-student, so, it was decided to call his home. Sure enough, someone answered the phone and announced that Rolf had died in his sleep a few days beforehand. We speculated at length, as to whether Rolf knew that he was about to die, but preferred to keep it private. Apart from general shock among his whole class, we were informed that the commemoration service would be held at the end of January. It was a heartfelt event, and it became immediately obvious that Rolf had organised his own exodus with infinite detail and attention to every aspect of it, except the actual moment. His most cherished friend had been given the task of carrying out Rolf’s last wish, as he had no children or other relatives to perform the task. Rolf had many hobbies, each of which were illustrated in photos and a running commentary which filled us in with specifics. About 120 people were expected to attend and Rolf had expressly asked for each participant to be handed a red rose as an affectionate gesture from him. He also gave instructions for a very exclusive red wine to be offered to his guests at the subsequent aperitif, in his absence. He was a very special man, and he touched many lives during his active and creative life and is already greatly missed.
Not everyone prepares for their own death, funeral and testament as fervently as Rolf did; whereby he actually took his last breath all alone, and was only discovered the following day. He at least had the foresight to plan everything with his friend, but the unpleasant issue of one’s own death is not one that most of us relish processing. In the fullness of time, procrastination is not an option, for those who want to prevent headaches for their children. Of course, one can exaggerate in efforts to cover everyone and each eventuality. Working as a State interpreter in English, Spanish and German, I often had to translate German testaments, when close family lived abroad, and were entitled to a copy of the document in their own language. It sometimes amazed me, the detail that emerged on paper, for the nearest and dearest. “For Auntie Martha, I leave the little doll, next to the clock on the mantlepiece. She always admired it so much”. This could be one of over a hundred small items on an endless inventory, which might not even be around if the owner should be decanted to a care home, several years down the line. Some people even went to extraordinary lengths to leave 5 francs to a whole host of charities, scattered around the globe, not forgetting elephants and gorillas in Africa. I didn’t envy the administrators in their efforts to locate and tick off each item listed.
During last year, I became so severely ill that I wasn’t sure I would survive it, and neither was anyone around me. During infrequent flashes of lucidity, it occurred to me that there were outstanding matters that I needed to organise, for the worst-case scenario, to make life easier for my son. As is apparent, I did survive, and when my recovery finally and partially kicked in, I took a look at the file in my office marked, “When I Snuff it”. It became immediately clear, that it needs some serious updating and before anything more might befall me, and it should transpire sooner rather than later.
However much we try to plan, nature has a way of sometimes taking us on an entirely distinctive route. It wouldn’t be the first time that an affluent gentleman was found to be not only insolvent and deeply in debt on the occasion of his untimely death, much to the chagrin of his hopeful heirs. In the light of the finality of this last stage of our lives, it seems wise to make the most of each living moment as long as we can, and most importantly, to leave a legacy of generosity, love and care to those around us. Oh, and a noble drop of wine!
Photo: pexels / Aleksejs Bergmanis
