Munching on Monotony

Before lightbulbs and lavatories were invented, only the aristocracy were privileged enough to munch like monarchs without generating their food themselves. Their kitchen staff in the basement of their noble abode generated food, entirely alien to the ‘hoi polloi’. That’s until a certain chef, exasperated by his overbearing patron, threw in the towel and opened up a locality, where he served food to unpretentious paying guests, off the street. That was allegedly the very first public restaurant and it triggered an enduring trend!

We have come a long way since then, with restaurants judiciously planted anywhere the hunger pangs may grab you. Now, most things in Switzerland are of exceptional quality and reliability, and I don’t want to be accused of disloyalty towards my home country. However, many of the restaurants around the Zurich area are an abysmal collection of the listless eateries with nothing more inspiring than a tired plate of chips with some form of meat accessory. Weighed against the potential they would have with regard to rigorous apprenticeships, a well-heeled public eager to wine and dine, and abundant produce, the outcome is alarming. Partially, some of the fault lies with the authorities, who aim to create ever more stringent laws. However, the entire scenario is not improved by the apparent lack of enthusiasm or pride on the part of the chefs. In many cases, the indifference is palpable, and they seem to have just got by in a mediocre sort of way for many years.

However, that is not to say that the nutritious diversity corresponds necessarily with the diversity of the population. Take for example a typical city in Switzerland, with roughly 100’000 residents, has currently thirty-eight registered pizzerias. I have nothing at all against Italian restaurants, but for people who don’t eat pizza or pasta, it excludes quite a large chunk of the market. Of course, there is a vast and speedy yield to be made from a pizza, selling for 20 Francs, but the price-performance equation doesn’t do it for me. Across the border in Germany, France or Italy, the prices are much fairer; but it will always be argued, that the Swiss earn more so they can be ripped off.

Then came the Chinese bug, which gripped us all in a prolonged lock-down, and restaurants were forced to close. Some innovative chefs created a take-away business, but whilst it avoided cooking at home, the food was not worth the bother. When the lock-down was lifted, and the public was once again allowed to dine out, those ‘unclean’, defiant, unvaccinated individuals like us, were punished by being banned from restaurants, from September 2021 until February 2022. As a result, even more restaurants folded up.

So, it would be only right to assume that from the end of February 2022, when we were finally permitted to eat inside a restaurant, that they would make all possible efforts to entice us back into their business with renewed passion. Not even close!! They served up the same menu that they have been flashing around for the previous twenty years. Typically, on entering some restaurants on a Saturday evening at 20:45, and instantly the waiter takes a critical look at his watch and informs you that the kitchen has already closed. Where’s the gusto? Thankfully, we have discovered some exceptions.

This attitude is prevalent around Zurich, in our experience. We ask ourselves, why do chefs choose gastronomy as their life’s path, if their heart is conspicuously absent? The monotonous menus on offer are virtually a photocopy of every other Swiss restaurant. It doesn’t excite the pallet and costs a small fortune. Recently in a steak house, we were charged extra for a miniature bowl of sauce or herb butter. We have endured every variety of lethargy at its worst and are still searching for a restaurant which puts their customers first. Three times in the last three months, we have been turned away at restaurants where we reserved a table well in advance, but although we arrived ahead of time, the table had been allocated to another group. Obviously, they can’t be bothered to serve a table for two, although we usually spend as much as a table of four. Needless to say, they are restaurants that will not have the pleasure of our business any more.

Increasingly, food is simply extracted from the freezer and thrown into the fryer, and whilst the overcooked broccoli confers a splash of colour to the plate, it generally resembles a loveless creation, at best. Practically no restaurants bother with anything involving work, for the desert. It’s mostly a scoop of ice cream with a squirt of cream from a can. A renowned hotel restaurant in Zurich even managed canned sweet corn tipped onto a plate with a scoop of ice cream and a biscuit, as the crowning glory to their Christmas menu.

There is still some scant hope, that among the millions of migrants who recently came into the country, some will be inspired to open their own restaurant and compete with the present array on offer. Then we could anticipate new life in the otherwise weary and disappointing business of eating out.

Photo: Pexels/Dzenina Lukac